My Hell...the Shed

There are very few monsters who warrant the fear we have of them.
~Andre Gide

This weekend I continued with the process of cleaning and emptying things out. I usually find every excuse in the book to avoid breaking that evil barrier that leads into the valley of what I consider demon hell...the shed. It's really amazing to me that I have survived life because if you know me, you know that I loathe anything that crawls, flies, buzzes or hops and this task to me, was considered the most daunting. After all, I have to clean it which means really getting in there and having a full fledged experience, being "one" with the shed. Good god where do I start? 

I'll admit that I haven't taken care of the shed simply because of the lingering evil that lies inside. Simply approaching the little building brings on panic and immediate sweat but this time, I will, I must prevail. As the doors open, the crickets (gross!) scatter as if they sense a tsunami is about to hit land. Scream #1. Slowly, I remove the most used articles (lawnmower, wheel barrow, etc) that sit right at the door because I try not to have to go any further into these depths of hell than necessary when my son is not there to mow. Once I get past that wall of "protection", I feel the sense that I've just opened myself up to the rights for an evil possession. Here comes the sweat and heart palpitations! As I look around, I notice that there is seed everywhere on the floor from a bag that looks like it now has a hole in it. There is an extremely well formed circle straight through the side of the wood which you can clearly see outside. There are vacant bees nests lining the sides, both mud nests and comb hives and lastly, there are turd droppings on the floor. Keep the emergency ambulance phone # handy because this doesn't look good! I figure the best (and safest) option for remaining alive is to just take everything outside and deal with it there so I begin...slowly, as not to disturb the creature that obviously has taken refuge here. Things aren't going too bad until I reach up to remove an old lawnmower bag that has, most likely, been sitting there for 10 years, that falls to the floor and out scurries a mouse (gross!)! Screams #2,3 and 4. I've been in this house for 12 years and this is the first time I've seen a mouse on my premises?? I'm ok with that. After the hair on my arms relax and the goosebumps subside, I continue, saying out loud "if anything else decides to jump out at me, I'm burning this F'er down!". I'm in deep now. There's no escape. As I move a box in the corner to pull it out, a massive amount of ants (gross!) scurry to the corner to what I'm sure was their pre-planned escape route. Screams #5 and 6. I guess when I spray the house foundation with Ortho Max Protection, this is where they come! I was ok with that before entering this hell. After the goosebumps subside...again, I quickly think to myself that I'm glad I didn't bother shaving, and I continue. It was obvious that the mouse has been here for quite some time. I found little nests of twigs and "stuff" scattered throughout along with what I assumed was the result of this critter's bowel movements...ok, mouse turds. This can't be healthy to the rabbits that live underneath. :) Once everything was outside and the floor was swept, it was time to clean stuff and put it away. As I was moving the lawn mower back into the shed, I felt a tingling sensation on my calf. I looked down and there was a spider (gross!) the size of a silver dollar camping out waiting for the opportunity to spin a tourniquet web around my my leg! Screams #7 and 8. 

Once I was done, I was dirty, tired, hoarse and relieved. 

My neighbors didn't come running to save me so either my screams weren't as loud as they sounded or they just didn't care. Either way, That shower never felt better but the rest of the day I still felt like I had critters crawling all over me. What's that called? Delusional parasitosis sounds neat-o. I'm happy to say that I'll never have to enter that hell again.

The End Draws Near

Open house on Saturday, sold on Tuesday. 

Who would have ever thought it would take only 4 days to sell a home?  Not only that but having buyers that are willing to accept my terms of waiting 3 months for a closing date!  I've blogged before about how lucky I tend to be but this is ridiculous!

This is my home for only 3 more months.  A lot of memories pile up in 12 years, those now to be pushed slightly to the side to make room for more.  I've openly expressed all of my concerns about moving to family and friends and have gotten many responses to attempt to calm my nerves.  "You're just a plane ride away", "It's just a house. You'll make more memories"...pfssst.  Thanks guys, but I don't feel any better.  I can't really say that all of this fast paced activity has caught up to my brain quite yet.  I'm sure when the dust settles and I'm well on my way to making more memories, that I'll finally sit down to mourne. 

I'm finding that during this process of packing up and reflecting on the past 12 years, I'm realizing that there are things I wished I'd done. 

Like taking more pictures.  It's funny, I have a crap load of pictures but instead of focusing on the moments I did capture, I focus on the moments I didn't.  I need to stop that.  Kids grow up fast.  Take lots of pictures.

Like making those home repairs sooner.  After I went through repairs preparing to sell, I heard from a lot of people that after making their repairs before selling, they didn't want to move.  I went through that moment, albeit quickly.  Make those repairs so you can call them your own and so you can enjoy them.

Like not keeping so much junk.  There's something very liberating about "cleaning out".  I did a lot of it and felt relieved afterwards.  Not to mention everything I was able to donate.

Like planting more flowers and trees.  We planted 2 trees in my 12 years living here.  The maple in the back is well on it's way to taking over the yard and the japanese maple in the front isn't any bigger than it was 11 years ago when I planted it. :)  I love flowers.  I wish I had taken the time every year to plant something new.

Like taking more time to enjoy the nature that goes on in my back yard.  The woods are amazing.  All the sounds from birds, crickets, animals...I live in a quiet neighborhood except for these sounds.  Why is it only now that I start to pay attention to them?

I can't change the past but I can make changes for the future.

26 Acts of Kindness Part III

Of all the nice things that I could do you'd think this would be easier. 

First, I forgot what I was supposed to be doing.  I went a couple of weeks without even thinking about my goal of carrying out 26 Acts of Kindness.  Completely forgot. Thank goodness I didn't put a time limit on my goal!  This makes me wonder what kind of person I truly am.  If I have to consciously make an effort to be kind, am I really a kind person?  Of course this doesn't mean that I don't have general kindness in my soul like saying 'hello' when I see someone or holding the door open when someone is behind me but if I have to think of things to do, does that count?  I want to say 'no'.  Sometimes I think we're all so wrapped up in our own worlds that we don't stop and notice our surroundings.  I keep wanting to tell myself that I don't get out enough, therefore having no opportunities to see what needs to be acted upon.  Although that is somewhat true, it shouldn't be my excuse.  I've been saying it for years...I need to stop and smell the roses.

Second, I need to stick to my definition of "Acts of Kindness".  I had these grandeur acts planned out that either require loads of cash (which I don't have) or loads of time.  An act of kindness doesn't need to be over the top, just sincere.  Remember that, Brenda.

Third, I need to stop planning acts and just "do 'em as I see 'em".  This will require me to stop and smell the roses, make me more aware of people which in turn will hopefully make being kind a natural, unconscious quality.  

All I truly want is to be a kind person.

Peace.

26 Acts of Kindness Part II

I never thought completing my first Act of Kindness in remembrance of the 26 lives lost at Sandy Brook Elementary would be such an emotional process.  From my last post, I was torn about how to approach a few things...who/what/when how.  I carried around my Act #1 envelope all day waiting for the moment where it all felt right.  I was in Walmart getting my Subway sandwich and gum that day and I saw her.  I was convinced that I was looking for a certain type of person but to my surprise, I went against all that I wanted for this act and chose an elderly woman who reminded me so much of my Grandmother.  The way she tried to talk when she had no teeth in her mouth and the way her veins stood up like she trained every day of her life.  I was concerned about my approach but decided that it really didn't matter as long as I was sincere and everything I said came from the heart.  She knew it did.  I didn't force the envelope with the scratch ticket on her.  I simply held it in my hands and spoke.

"Hi, my name is Brenda. I have this card for you.  I want to give this to you as a small act of kindness because you remind me of my Grandmother.  I hope that doesn't offend you in any way."  As I held out the card, she didn't reach for it and I can't blame her.  So I continued... "I loved my Grandmother very much and as I start my journey with what I'm doing, I want to start with what my heart tells me and that is you.  It's not much but maybe will be enough to brighten your day just a little bit more."  As she finally reached for the card, she asked if I signed it. That question was worth it all because my Grandmother would have asked the same.  "No" I said. "It doesn't matter, but I wish you the best of luck".  And I walked away.  As I proceeded to my car, the tears were streaming in full force and all I could think about was how the hell am I going to get through 25+ more acts of kindness if I'm going to be this emotional??

Act of Kindness #2 - Give a Christmas gift to a stranger at work.
As I walked through the building with the Bath & Body Works body spray in a gift bag with a card explaining that they are my 2nd act of kindness, I decided that I wanted to just drop it on someone's desk who looked like they were in but wasn't currently sitting at their desk.  Someone at the far corner of the building where I know almost no one.  The choice was easy.  It wasn't emotional at all until... this email from this individual went out to everyone in the building...

"Today a very kind soul left me a Christmas Present with a very warm message in a Christmas Card. The sentiment pertained to the 26 children that were taken from the Sandy Brook Elementary School. I am the second Act of Kindness out of 26 that this person is giving to in Memory of the Children. There are kind and thoughtful people in this world and thanks to this kind hearted person, I am taking the time to Pay it Back as well.

Thank you!"

All I want is for people to pay it forward.  It may make this world a better place. 

So far, 2 for 2.

Peace.

26 Acts of Kindness Part 1

It's amazing how such an unspeakable act like the horrific tragedy that occurred at Sandy Brook Elementary School can somehow bind people into this powerful force that just might make a difference.  Even if it's just for a little while.  I'm sure most of you have seen the posts that have been going around about 26 Acts of Kindness.  I read about this and it took me about 20 seconds to decide to jump on that bandwagon.  I haven't decided how or what my 26 acts are going to entail but I do have the first few in mind.  My first will be today.  It's not an original idea by any means but when I saw what others were doing, I thought this act in particular was a simple way to get started by hopefully bringing a smile to someone's face.  I've decided to blog about my thoughts throughout my journey not only to possibly spread a little enthusiasm for others but also to keep myself accountable and to keep myself from stopping before I reach my 26th Act Of Kindness.

Act of Kindness#1 - A holiday card with a note and a $5 scratch ticket for a complete stranger.

The gesture is simple but carrying out such a simple idea is so complicated!!  Maybe I just overthink it but how/when/where/who is a lot to consider. 

HOW do you approach someone these days without them thinking you might be a lunatic with an exploding envelope?  I hate to admit it, but sometimes I do think the worst in people so what approach would it take for me to gladly accept an envelope from a complete stranger without turning right around to throw it away without opening it?  A smile for sure.  No problem.  The words I use will have to be upbeat, kind and sincere.

WHERE should one try to execute such an act?  A place where you think you might find someone who could use a little cheer?  But everyone needs a little extra cheer.  I don't want to be discriminatory in any way so maybe the only solution to WHERE is to carry around this envelope for the day and hand it out WHEN I feel the time is right.

WHO. The hardest part without being partial in some way.  Do you look for a certain type of person?  How on earth do you make that random?  Maybe all it takes is a game like... whoever is the next person to walk through the door gets the card.  That's random enough for me I guess but it's almost, how shall I say... risky.  It's a scratch ticket.  Should the thought be that it should go to someone who needs the money, or, I'm embarassed to write, someone who LOOKS LIKE they need the money if it's a winner?  Yes, most people deserve an act of kindness but in this case, with this act, I'd prefer to act on someone who looks like they need a little cheering up.

More to follow with the results from this act and details on my #2 Act Of Kindness.

Peace.

Holiday Spirit

I'm not sure what gets into people this time of year but it usually goes one of many ways. First, there are the people who are so joyous and happy that you want puke all over their red and green Christmas tree sweater that has light up balls dangling from the branches or some who could easily replace the Grinch in the NYC Broadway musical. I am somewhere in between. Monday night certainly tested my holiday spirit...

Monday nights are great at the YMCA that I go to...no swimming lessons for the bambinos, no boys basketball in the gym, no karate classes. Basically not many kids which means not many adults either. This is a great night to swim and this is where I always am on Mondays. I had a great swim. A tempo session given to me by my coach. Long enough to make me feel like I actually burned a few calories and short enough (because I'm a speed demon now...ok, that's a lie) so that I can get home at a reasonable hour for dinner. The locker room is basically small but has 3 rows of lockers with benches in between each row and then another long bench in front of another set of lockers. Now, I'm somewhat shy when it comes to dressing in front of others in the locker room. I try to keep covered with my towel and make it a point to certainly not walk around nude even if I am alone. Anyway, I have my shit spread all over the bench like a yard sale and this woman about my age comes into my row and proceeds to open lockers to find an empty one. As I'm standing there with my towel wrapped around me wondering what the hell she's doing and wondering how the hell I'm going to dry my legs without everything hanging out with her standing there, she finds an empty locker, looks at me, looks at my stuff on the bench and says, "Can I have some room here?" Back it up, sista...Hold me back! Lots of attitude but what am I gonna say?? NO?? With the attitude that she posed her question, I gave my "you've got to be kidding" glare but somehow, someway, in the spirit of the season, I gently responded "Sure". Great. Now how the hell am I going to finish dressing without embarrassing myself? Am I really that shy? Yes, but that's not even the funny part. As I'm trying to find clever ways to avoid exposure, I occasionally glance her way thinking that I must be getting punked or something since I was alone and I see her struggling to get her bathing suit on (any minute about to hang herself with the sleeve of her shirt) with her clothes still on and wrapped up in a towel in that way when young girls try to put on their bras underneath their shirts. You've got to be kidding me. Lady, you could have easily avoided this trauma you seem to be going through by picking one of the other 2 rows. I don't get people most of the time and how their thought processes work. I'd love to have felt comfortable enough to ask her what she was thinking. Maybe next time. Anyway, I got offtrack a bit but my point is that it's attitudes like this that turn people.  I easily could have fled to the dark side. Lucky for her I didn't. 
With the exception of the financial strain on my wallet, I love this time of year.  The music, the giving, the sharing, the love.  I wish everyone was as fortunate as I am...maybe that explains bad attitudes this time of year or perhaps all year round for some.  My goal is to try to remember that not everyone is happy, for whatever reason, during the holidays and maybe I should try to spread a little of my cheer.

Kegels or diapers?

I'll take Adult Diapers for $200, Alex...

What's worse than sneezing and then realizing you just pee'd your pants?  Sneezing and peeing your pants while in the grocery store and then having to walk around gathering your leeks and scallops knowing in your mind what you just did, quickly passing by the diaper aisle.  The first time you can sort of scoff it off by rationalizing in your head that you need to be more prepared the next time you sneeze...more time to clench up.  But what's the excuse when an hour later you're walking around the Christmas Tree Shop, you feel the sneeze building up, you're more than prepared and still your clenching still isn't enough to form that impenetrable barrier?  There is no excuse besides the fact that I'm getting older and the pubococcygeus muscles of my "pelvic floor" are slightly weaker than in my younger years.  Now I understand the reasoning behind adult diapers. 

But why spend money on diapers when there is a simple solution that doesn't cost a dime and offers many benefits?  Kegel exercises.  Because I'm a google gal, I had to research Kegels and what they offer.  I knew what Kegel exercises were but I never really knew (or wanted to admit) that I would ever actually need to practice them, even after having a child.  After all, I'm strong like Ox!  Ok, apparently not down there, but did you know that there are even pelvic toning devices that exist?  Ones that when you read the descriptions sound and look like toys from that XXX Shop down the street?  Does everyone know this or do I live in a cave?  I think I could get something like this down in PTown without giving away the real purpose of the buy...

Am I wrong?

Straight from Wikipedia:

Pelvic toning devices fall into a number of different types:

• barbells, vaginal weights or cones designed to be held in the vagina. The action of passively/actively retaining the device internally is supposed to improve muscle tone. Barbells are made of smooth, polished solid stainless steel, cylindrical in shape, with a rounded bulge at each end. They typically weigh one pound (454 g) and measure approximately 6+3⁄4 inches (17 cm) in length with a diameter of one inch (2.5 cm) at the widest part. Being made of stainless steel, vaginal barbells are nonporous and can be wiped clean with a cloth moistened with mild soap and water.
• electro-stimulation or TENS devices that administer an electrical current through an internal probe. The current stimulates the adjacent muscles to twitch. 
• rubber resistance balls and indicators. These devices provide a nominal resistance to squeeze against. An advantage of rubber bulb devices is that they provide visual feedback (via a gauge) of how much pressure is being applied.
• progressive resistance vaginal exercisers with springs are the only devices that meet all of Kegel's criteria. They provide a biofeedback that the correct muscles are being engaged and are capable of fulfilling the fundamentals of an exercise regimen by applying a variable and increasing resistive force to maximise the exercise effort.

Seriously?  This sounds like an excerpt from my vibrator manual.

Ok, enough TMI but there are benefits.  Outside of the obvious (keeping your panties clean), they do help both women AND men with sexual function.  For men, they can help restore erectile dysfunction and help with premature ejaculation.  For women, orgasms more easily, more frequently and more intensely.

F the diapers... SOLD!