The sad thing is...

...I don't have to think twice about eating the salsa.

As soon as I drove off the campus of University of New Haven after dropping my son off for his first year away at college, I knew my life would be different and I knew it was going to be a long ride home alone.  I held it together while I was there for the day getting him settled in with the strangers who he would now be sharing his life.  10:30am - 3pm.  That was my alotted time to prepare both of us for the adjustment of our lives and to make sure his new life away from home was as comfortable and secure as it could possibly be.  5 hours to unpack and say goodbye to the one I've raised for 18 years leaving me feeling like I've abandoned him.  I suppose there are good reasons for these limitations.  I suppose some parents might be well inclined to stay the night if they were allowed.  I suppose I might be one of those parents.  I've been trying to prepare myself for several months now but there is nothing that can possibly be done to prepare for something like this.  You could say that I've had months to "say goodbye" and in a way I have, but it's different when you're in the moment.  Wheeling the empty suitcases back to the car is when it all hit me; trying to hide my face under my baseball cap so the cars passing by wouldn't think of me as weak.  Crying for 2 hours home then realizing after that long ride home alone when you pull into the driveway looking at the recently cut lawn that there may not be a reason to have even come home.  Realizing that you didn't take anything out of the freezer to thaw because there would be no one to cook for tonight so you settle for chips and salsa, briefly thinking of saving the salsa for Tyler because it's his favorite kind.  My bad.  It's the little things like starting laundry downstairs and seeing the empty space that used to house his XBox.  Or opening the freezer to have Tyler's mint chocolate chip ice cream staring me down.  All this emotion and I haven't even hit the whole house yet!

*sigh*

Yes, he's only away at college and some parents may deal with it differently or perhaps even be happy that their kids are away.  This is how it affects me because he has been my life for 18 years.  I will miss him plain and simple but I know he'll be ok.  I should be thankful we're at least in the same time zone.

It's Thursday.  I can't wait to see how lovely I look tomorrow for work...