Holiday Spirit

I'm not sure what gets into people this time of year but it usually goes one of many ways. First, there are the people who are so joyous and happy that you want puke all over their red and green Christmas tree sweater that has light up balls dangling from the branches or some who could easily replace the Grinch in the NYC Broadway musical. I am somewhere in between. Monday night certainly tested my holiday spirit...

Monday nights are great at the YMCA that I go to...no swimming lessons for the bambinos, no boys basketball in the gym, no karate classes. Basically not many kids which means not many adults either. This is a great night to swim and this is where I always am on Mondays. I had a great swim. A tempo session given to me by my coach. Long enough to make me feel like I actually burned a few calories and short enough (because I'm a speed demon now...ok, that's a lie) so that I can get home at a reasonable hour for dinner. The locker room is basically small but has 3 rows of lockers with benches in between each row and then another long bench in front of another set of lockers. Now, I'm somewhat shy when it comes to dressing in front of others in the locker room. I try to keep covered with my towel and make it a point to certainly not walk around nude even if I am alone. Anyway, I have my shit spread all over the bench like a yard sale and this woman about my age comes into my row and proceeds to open lockers to find an empty one. As I'm standing there with my towel wrapped around me wondering what the hell she's doing and wondering how the hell I'm going to dry my legs without everything hanging out with her standing there, she finds an empty locker, looks at me, looks at my stuff on the bench and says, "Can I have some room here?" Back it up, sista...Hold me back! Lots of attitude but what am I gonna say?? NO?? With the attitude that she posed her question, I gave my "you've got to be kidding" glare but somehow, someway, in the spirit of the season, I gently responded "Sure". Great. Now how the hell am I going to finish dressing without embarrassing myself? Am I really that shy? Yes, but that's not even the funny part. As I'm trying to find clever ways to avoid exposure, I occasionally glance her way thinking that I must be getting punked or something since I was alone and I see her struggling to get her bathing suit on (any minute about to hang herself with the sleeve of her shirt) with her clothes still on and wrapped up in a towel in that way when young girls try to put on their bras underneath their shirts. You've got to be kidding me. Lady, you could have easily avoided this trauma you seem to be going through by picking one of the other 2 rows. I don't get people most of the time and how their thought processes work. I'd love to have felt comfortable enough to ask her what she was thinking. Maybe next time. Anyway, I got offtrack a bit but my point is that it's attitudes like this that turn people.  I easily could have fled to the dark side. Lucky for her I didn't. 
With the exception of the financial strain on my wallet, I love this time of year.  The music, the giving, the sharing, the love.  I wish everyone was as fortunate as I am...maybe that explains bad attitudes this time of year or perhaps all year round for some.  My goal is to try to remember that not everyone is happy, for whatever reason, during the holidays and maybe I should try to spread a little of my cheer.

Kegels or diapers?

I'll take Adult Diapers for $200, Alex...

What's worse than sneezing and then realizing you just pee'd your pants?  Sneezing and peeing your pants while in the grocery store and then having to walk around gathering your leeks and scallops knowing in your mind what you just did, quickly passing by the diaper aisle.  The first time you can sort of scoff it off by rationalizing in your head that you need to be more prepared the next time you sneeze...more time to clench up.  But what's the excuse when an hour later you're walking around the Christmas Tree Shop, you feel the sneeze building up, you're more than prepared and still your clenching still isn't enough to form that impenetrable barrier?  There is no excuse besides the fact that I'm getting older and the pubococcygeus muscles of my "pelvic floor" are slightly weaker than in my younger years.  Now I understand the reasoning behind adult diapers. 

But why spend money on diapers when there is a simple solution that doesn't cost a dime and offers many benefits?  Kegel exercises.  Because I'm a google gal, I had to research Kegels and what they offer.  I knew what Kegel exercises were but I never really knew (or wanted to admit) that I would ever actually need to practice them, even after having a child.  After all, I'm strong like Ox!  Ok, apparently not down there, but did you know that there are even pelvic toning devices that exist?  Ones that when you read the descriptions sound and look like toys from that XXX Shop down the street?  Does everyone know this or do I live in a cave?  I think I could get something like this down in PTown without giving away the real purpose of the buy...

Am I wrong?

Straight from Wikipedia:

Pelvic toning devices fall into a number of different types:

• barbells, vaginal weights or cones designed to be held in the vagina. The action of passively/actively retaining the device internally is supposed to improve muscle tone. Barbells are made of smooth, polished solid stainless steel, cylindrical in shape, with a rounded bulge at each end. They typically weigh one pound (454 g) and measure approximately 6+3⁄4 inches (17 cm) in length with a diameter of one inch (2.5 cm) at the widest part. Being made of stainless steel, vaginal barbells are nonporous and can be wiped clean with a cloth moistened with mild soap and water.
• electro-stimulation or TENS devices that administer an electrical current through an internal probe. The current stimulates the adjacent muscles to twitch. 
• rubber resistance balls and indicators. These devices provide a nominal resistance to squeeze against. An advantage of rubber bulb devices is that they provide visual feedback (via a gauge) of how much pressure is being applied.
• progressive resistance vaginal exercisers with springs are the only devices that meet all of Kegel's criteria. They provide a biofeedback that the correct muscles are being engaged and are capable of fulfilling the fundamentals of an exercise regimen by applying a variable and increasing resistive force to maximise the exercise effort.

Seriously?  This sounds like an excerpt from my vibrator manual.

Ok, enough TMI but there are benefits.  Outside of the obvious (keeping your panties clean), they do help both women AND men with sexual function.  For men, they can help restore erectile dysfunction and help with premature ejaculation.  For women, orgasms more easily, more frequently and more intensely.

F the diapers... SOLD!

The Sun will do

Despite how fast the winter is approaching, my mind isn't so much focused on shoveling, how high the thermostat is or when my next oil delivery will be but instead on where do I get packing boxes, how does one travel long distances in the car with cats and 'Geez, can't someone just pack for me?'. There's something to be said about starting to plan early and I guess that's what I'm doing. One (or many) less things to do later. That's my motto. Procastination was never an attribute that was high on my list of desirable qualities so it's just like me to start planning for a move 8 or 10 months in advance. Pictures are starting to come off the walls and every week, there's something new at curbside waiting to catch someone else's glimpse. There are a lot of things to do and think about but most important, there are a lot of emotions to feel. Life is so unpredictable. This unpredictability can be so exciting but at the same time can scare the shit out of you! Enough to purchase that full suit of armour on EBay? No, not quite, but that protective coating that kicks in when you get nervous about life is about up to my ankles thus far. I have to be honest and say that I really like change. Change keeps things exciting and fresh plus, it provides an opportunity to learn something new about yourself. Like....how much you've changed in the 10 years since you last lived with someone else. Yikes!! I'm 47 years old, isn't this about the time when couples start to look like each other? We've got a long way to go, Baby!

The warm Texas sun is where I'm headed. It will be an adventure which will require patience on my part. Since I'm the type of person who wants to get things done right away, waiting for a house to sell (which I've never done) doesn't sound like a top ten on anyone's list. In addition to trying to deal with the simple things like what to take when I'm moving into an already established home and what do I do with the stuff I'm not taking, there comes the realization that I can't make any plans for next year. I can't sign up for any of my standard races. I can't plan for a vacation. I'm playing a waiting game and I haven't even hit the starting line yet! God bless those who have to be around me for the next year because I need some control and this doesn't sound like a very controllable situation.


HELL -- (Heaps of Explanations for that Liquid Lunch)

• What do I bring?
• What do I do with the stuff I don't bring?
• Should I store some of those things for Tyler for when he gets his own place?
• How much does storage cost?
• How will we deal with holidays and vacations when it comes to Tyler?
• Should I drive the UHaul down myself?
• What if my house doesn't sell in a timely fashion?
• How long will I have to pack and get out?
• How much work on the house will need to be done before I put it on the market?  (Although I have replaced the outside light fixtures!)
• Will I get taxed on the profit?
• Who will do my taxes the following year after I move?
• How do you travel for days with cats in the car?
• What if I snap when the cats meow during the entire 4 day drive?
• What if the cats destroy their new home?
• Will Tyler hate me or feel abandoned?
• Will he come down to see me?
• Will I have a job?

...What if the relationship doesn't work out? ...


Ok, so I'm either having a hot flash right now, or I'm getting a little overwhelmed thinking about all of this. Luckily though, I have a wonderful person in my life who will be there for me every step of the way ready to give me anything I need whether it be muscle power or emotional comfort. That alone trumps most of the bullets on my HELL list.  ♥

Move on people! There's nothing to see here but the sun!

Creepers

Happy Halloween!! As most of you know, this is one of my favorite days of the year!  A day when I can dress up, entertain others and scare the crap out of the little kiddies.  Basically, be someone I'm not.  Or maybe from a psychological perspective, be someone I want to be but who would socially be unacceptable.  Whatever...I'm sure it could be analyzed in so many ways.

For me, Halloween planning begins November 1st of every year for the following year.  The perfect costume with the perfect amount of makeup to scare the pants off the kids.  People ask me how I can sleep at night scaring the kids like I do.  And to this I explain...there's a difference between popping out of the bushes yelling BOO for that unexpected scare and standing on my front steps dressed in ratty clothes holding a rubber cleaver making howling noises like I'm straight out of Texas Chainsaw Massacre.  The kids have options when they reach my home.  They see the crazed me, then they decide whether they want to risk their lives by asking for candy or continue on down the street to the next house.  It's all about giving them choices.  Sure some kids start out brave by making it half way down my driveway then suddenly run screaming back to Mommy, but it's their choice.  Pro-choice, that's me.  After many years of haunting, many kids know not to even start down my driveway but I still get over 100 kids every year knocking on my door.  So they're either growing up and becoming more brave or there are unknowing souls roaming the neighborhood who obviously need a lesson.  Hahahahaha!

Have a safe Halloween!

Kryptonite

As I sit here eating the Reese's and Whoppers from the Halloween candy bags I purchased today, which by the way, it's only October 20th, I'm reflecting on the swim lesson from earlier this morning with Coach Tara.  I only scheduled 3 sessions with her and today was my 2nd.  It went great but good lord, how much more could possibly be wrong with 1 person's swim stroke anyway??  You might as well strap a floatie on me and register me into the toddler swim lessons program on Tuesday nights!  Sheesh.  Don't get me wrong, it's all great information and I feel I'm benefiting but I'm more sore from 500 yards of drills than I am from swimming a mile in my old style!  How naive could I be thinking that my stroke wasn't that bad and maybe 3 sessions was too many to schedule?  I'm sure Tara really only has enough constructive criticism to last an hour...right?

Rotate completely onto your side when you breathe.
Don't bother swimming unless you're breathing bilaterally.
Keep your chest down. 
Keep your elbows up. 
Arms enter the water at 11 and 1. 
Fingers enter the water first, not your thumbs.
Slow down your kick. 
Keep your legs together. 
Superman! 

Agghhhhhh!!!!!  I'm assuming when practicing this pile of information for weeks and weeks, it will all become second nature at some point and hopefully will flow effortlessly but talk about information overload!  It's hard to concentrate on the angle of your arms as they enter the water when your legs and ass are sinking!  I might as well walk the floor bottom down the lane as I'll most likely get there faster! 

*sigh* 

Seriously though, despite the ton of information I've been given in 2 hours total, I do feel I've improved greatly.  Although I may not be getting there any faster right now, the exerted effort to get to that nowhere is much less.  That's all I want right now.  I've always had a love/hate relationship with the swim leg of triathlon but I'm thinking now that maybe these adjustments will at least tip the scale more towards the love side and will hopefully improve my swim enough to help conserve energy for the bike and run portions for those future Half Ironmans.  The improvements have prompted a little excitement in me. :)

Thanks Tara -Tri Kula Coaching !

Back to aimless wandering

Another season comes to a close.  Once again, I'm back to a state of wandering around aimlessly without a training schedule.  Although it's not necessarily a good thing, I'm now able to dictate my own plan.  What does this mean?  Typically for me, it means that with the slightest feeling of fatigue or a sliver of an ache or pain, I stop dead in my tracks with whatever I'm doing...swimming, biking or running.  I'm left with a feeling that I have nothing to strive for.  I'm not lost, just unmotivated. This certainly wasn't the season that I expected.  Many aches, pains, injuries and emotions leading to my less than stellar race times.  Despite all the bitching I managed to spew all over my blog this season, there have been a few notable accomplishments as far as the triathlon season goes. (Ok, I know, it's all notable because I actually have a triathlon season and I'm actually off my ass doing something...blah, blah, blah...) But what made this season different from the last?  I rode a century ride at a last minutes notice and my recovery time was still somewhat impressive after not biking far distances in a while.  I went out of my comfort zone and raced in a couple of different sprints not knowing anyone else racing at the time of signing up (this is huge for me).  Although the injuries were piled up against me, I still managed to squeak in a Half Ironman.  What a different season from last year! 

So what will I do now to prepare for what I hope will be a better season next year?  Well, I will be signing up for a HIM outside of the East Coast to experience something new...most likely Ironman Austin, TX. I plan to train for this seriously since I didn't take any race seriously this year.  I'm not sure what I was thinking but again, emotions were flying high and I pretty much didn't care about anything regarding triathlon.  I'm surprised, quote honestly, that I even made it to any of the starting lines.  Is there such a thing as post first season blues? :)  I need to snap out of it but honestly, I think I enjoy training more than racing.  I think it might be too much pressure for me which maybe, racing outside of this area would help me focus a little more.  We shall see.  I also plan on getting back to basics which for me, is running.  Although I hate it, I miss it.  Yeah, strange, but it does give me a sense of peace despite my sore ankles, knees and hips when I'm done.  I am old but not dead and I'm hoping that getting back into this groove will hopefully alleviate some of those aches and pains that targeted me this year.  My luck, it'll probably make it all worse!

I have goals. Life happens. :)  So my aimless wandering around the triathlon world right now doesn't mean I'm lost...I've just wandered into other experiences of life.

100

100.3 miles on a bike.  I can't say that I ever wanted to do a century ride but since a friend of mine couldn't ride on Sunday, she asked if I wanted to ride in her place.  Why not?  How bad could it be, right?  After all, it's not a race, just a nice looooonnnngggg ride.  No race number. No timing chip.  And I had 11 hours to complete it.  So, I decided to give it a shot with the only reservation I had being that I hadn't ridden more than 60 miles in one sitting.  What's another 40?  The kicker?  It's NBW's Flattest Century in the East!  Now let's dissect the title of this ride.  Like an arrow to a target, I'm sure everyone's attention is automatically drawn to the word "FLAT" not bothering to consider the rest of the description.  "IN THE EAST".  We're not in Texas, folks and this course was not flat.  At least not as it's defined by my dictionary.  Yeah, it certainly wasn't a Lake Placid course but it had it's share of inclines.  More than I expected and more than I wanted.  I even got to a point where going downhill felt like I was going up.  Ugh. Maybe it was that extra 40 miles that put me over the edge because around mile 75, I was ready to throw in the towel.  But I didn't.  I figured it would take just as long to wait for a SAG wagon to pick me up than to to finish.  After all, I could take my time.

It's not a race, it's a ride.  After racing for 2 years, it's hard to get that mentality out of your head so around mile 50 when I stopped at the fuel station to relieve myself (hurry, hurry, hurry!), I looked around and saw people eating, sitting, stretching, talking on the phone, chatting...taking their time.  Then I think to myself, "God woman, simma down now! What are you doing? You're racing against no one and nothing!  Take it easy, you've got another 50 miles to go!"  So my 17 mph for the first half split went down to 15.5 mph total average. 

And why do some team riders have to be assholes?  On several occasions, they wouldn't announce themselves passing so close to me on my left that if I waivered even a little bit, I would have knudged a body part.  Not to mention when they do pass, they don't wait until they're completely past me before moving over, causing me to brake so I don't tick their back tire.  It's bad enough that their wake alone is enough to blow me off the road, they're going so fast.  I know, I know, give 'em a break. They're working so hard drafting the entire 100 miles.

Besides the constant snot rockets that I feared would find me as a target, the only real trouble I had during my ride was my aching back and neck from holding my head up.  When will someone invent some contraption so that I can simply rest my head?  Like at the eye doctor when you have to rest your chin in the little cup.  Yeah, that's all I needed.  Nice and comfy.  And let's talk about the Chamois butt'r.  This was my first experience with it.  The directions say "use liberally".  Right off the bat I'm confused.  Does this mean use the whole tub?  I didn't think so but let me tell you, I used it liberally. I felt like I crapped my pants.  Maybe too much?  So not only do I have all that swooshing around down there, I can't keep my privates in place and I had to constantly lift off the seat to "adjust" and I'm sure I had butt'r cream oozing out of my shorts somewhere.  TMI maybe.  I still can't figure out how men do it.  And now that it's all over, I'm fairly confident that my private parts will no longer function.

I was certainly glad when it was over.  I just wanted to get the hell off that bike!  Next step when it was done, figure out how to kick my leg over the seat without falling over... And how, for the love of cosmos, did I manage to gain a pound this weekend after burning 4904 calories???